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Commentary: Publisher’s dog: Kid gets iPad, I get bone?

By Georgie Boy, Fargo, ND Merry Christmas. It's me again. The publisher's dog. It has been a while since I last pawed a message to you all. Now with iPhone and Siri, it is like my own personal assistant. Let me start with some observations. You h...

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Georgie Boy

By Georgie Boy, Fargo, ND
Merry Christmas. It’s me again. The publisher’s dog. It has been a while since I last pawed a message to you all. Now with iPhone and Siri, it is like my own personal assistant.
Let me start with some observations. You humans love your Christmas. Wow, even the non-Christians get into the spirit. To be honest. Me? Not so much. I see all these presents under the tree, and they look awesome. But last year all I got was a Santa sweater and a bone that looked like a candy cane. Geez. The kid gets an iPad and I get a bone? Really? And do you know what I looked like in that sweater? Ridiculous. The neighbor girl dog, Webby, made fun of me for months.
And what’s with shaming me because I get confused about the bathroom? You take a tree from outside and put it in the living room, and I am not supposed to use it as my bathroom? How was I to know? I am an animal, for heaven’s sake. I have three instincts. One: Bark at the mailman, Two: Pee near a tree. Three … oh, I guess it is just two.
As long as I have your attention: The other dogs and I were talking and we want you to know something. We have eyes and ears and noses, and, yes, we have brains. So when other humans leave the room and you let it fly with your burping and gassing, we have to breathe down here! We can hear and smell you. It’s not pretty. You call us animals.
And that whole acting like we are excited when you come home? Honestly? We are tired of it. Some days you barely acknowledge us. Could you maybe crack us a smile? Seriously. Life is that bad? You get to eat people food and drive around in a car. Sounds like fun.
I don’t want to sound like we are complaining. We love our homes. They are safe and warm, and you feed us. The kids always sneak us people food; we love that. But can we be honest? Don’t you think “dog food” is really just a made-up marketing term that is perpetuated by multinational corporations that are trying to line their pockets on the backs of us domestic companions? (I learned that from using The Google.)
I have questions. While you are away, you know that we watch TV all day, right? That’s no shock to you, is it?
I have learned some things. Why are you obsessed with watching the weather? It’s winter! Put on a coat! It will warm up in May.
How many channels do you have? You only watch one at a time; why do you need so many. And Facebook – I don’t get it. Who cares?
I’ll tell you something I love: Fargo. Wow, when I was a puppy, I never thought I would live in such a culturally diverse city. We have the German dachshund next door; the English spaniel down the street, the Irish setter, and a shepherd from Berlin, and Jiminy the chihuahua a few blocks away. Fargo is the best. Feliz Navidad, Jiminy!
So, Happy Christmas and Merry Holidays. You might not hear this enough from us, but we love you and appreciate you. Keep feeding us and letting us outside, and everything will be fine.
• • •
Editor’s note: Forum publisher Bill Marcil Jr.’s dog, Georgie Boy, loves the holiday season, his master reports. The Echo Press is part of the Forum Communications Company.

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