Last laugh’s on you, National Joke Month

Typically, National Joke Month starts out with a bang – April Fools Day.

This year, with thousands dying of COVID-19 in the U.S., nobody much felt like pranking anybody that day. March and April had served up enough of a prank, and it stunk.

The jokes are coming back though, even ones aimed at coronavirus. Because who would have ever thought we’d ever go up to a bank teller wearing masks and asking for money? Frankly, after being cooped up at home for months it’s either laugh or go crazy. And they do say that laughter is the best medicine.

Laugh emojis were floating up Sunday evening as the Quad Squad, the Andria Theatre’s improv team, tried out its first-ever online comedy routine on Facebook Live and Zoom.

“This is just a small way of us getting together and saying hello and letting you know that we’re here,” artistic director Dave Christman told the two-dozen plus viewers. “We’re not going anywhere.”

Quad Squad’s live performance for April had been scratched, as have so many other events. But its online antics drew belly laughs as members joined in from their respective locations, taking not-so-subtle shots at what they called “the virus that cannot be named” with a variety of masks, including a horse head and a painter’s respirator.

They ran through their games and skits: The guy leading a webinar on how to steal office supplies; the couple whose A to Z conversation about quiet streets had to begin with successive letters of the alphabet, starting with “Q”; the Dating Game woman whose strangest job had been writing questions for beauty pageant contestants, including, “What piece of fruit does your elbow most resemble?”

Like any improv team, their lines were all ad-libbed. And though it was odd for them not to be able to hear audience laughter, there were plenty of heart, laughter and thumbs up emojis.

“It was great,” wrote Mary Buchholz. “I enjoyed it from SD, cannot wait for the next one!”

Noted improv member Scott Giannone helpfully: “You can’t spell slaughter without laughter.”

So in hopes of sending National Joke Month out the door with a laugh, here are favorite jokes from Echo Press staff and the Quad Squad, the Andria Theatre’s improv team.

Q. Why did Big Ole want to sit down?

A. After standing since 1965, his feet were Thor. He’d had enough of Standinavia.

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Q. How did Vikings send messages?

A. Norse code.

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Did you hear about the Viking guest and the stone fireplace mantel? He runed it.

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North America: Norse America with a lisp.

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What came after the Vikings? The Viikings.

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Q. Why do they call it Scandinavia?

A. Because the army lost the coin toss. Otherwise it would have been Scandiarmia.

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Sven: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Ole: Don't know. But I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without its motives being questioned.

Sven: LOL. Why did the otter cross the road?

Ole: I don’t know. Why?

Sven: To get to the “otter” side.

There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who cannot.

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Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Two. One to hold the giraffe and one to put the clock in the bathtub.

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Q. What lies at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A. A nervous wreck. (From an old Reader’s Digest.)

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Vintage Garrison Keillor: Every day on his way home, a stressed-out doctor stops at the bar for an almond daiquiri.

One day, the bartender realizes he is out of almonds. But he's got hickory nuts, so he uses them instead.

The doc takes a sip and asks, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?"

And the bartender says, "No, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

Q. What happens to a blue Easter egg when it gets dropped into the Red Sea?

A. It gets wet!

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Two guys and a cow are at the bar. The bartender asks: "What are you having?" First guy says "I'll have a beer." Second guy says "I'll have a whiskey on the rocks." Cow says "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

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I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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Two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.

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If a farmer has two pigs and his brother brings four more how many Facebook friends debate about the correct answer?

1/2: Jessica Paulsen, right, provides the face and mouth movements while someone else provides her voice as she seeks the role of Macky Mouse from Cameron Koester, left. (Karen Tolkkinen / Echo Press)

2/2: Meagan Lindberg and Pete Woit of the Quad Squad pretend they are walking along a deserted street while taking turns starting their sentences with the letters of the alphabet. (Karen Tolkkinen / Echo Press)