I'm Just Sayin' - Random silly thoughts and things I've never heard

Talk about it

By the time you read this, the election cycle will be over and we can take a deep breath and relax (unless we have another Florida 2000 situation). As I write this, I hope not. Let’s relax and move on. Relaxing and moving on always brings me to thoughts that ramble around in my head using my eclectic humor and circular logic.

As I watch things in this world and the humans and creatures that inhabit it, things come to mind regarding why they are that way. What if things were looked at a different way? Here are some random silly thoughts and things I’ve never heard.

- Wife to husband: “Honey, does this dress make me look too thin?”

- Husband to wife: “I only need to own one fishing rod. I can only use one at a time.”

- Husband to wife: “The limit is three birds so I only need three shells.”

- Congressman to the press: “From this point forward, I am only going to do what is good for my constituents and not pay any attention to lobbyists, special interests, and polls.”

- Sixteen year old to parents: “I don’t need a car. I will just ride the school bus to high school until I graduate.”

- C3PO to R2D2: “Can you believe these morons?”

- From the Beatles: “No, it’s not really true. I wanted to do more than just hold your hand.” (You have to be a certain age to understand this one, and the one above!)

- One neighbor to another: “Oh, it’s all right. Your barking dog isn’t a problem. We have learned how to get by on very little sleep.”

- Anyone born after 1980: “What’s an 8 track?”

- Inexperienced ice fisherman: “That was good advice. It really does work to warm the worms up in your mouth before using them.”

- Father to mother about their daughter: “Do you realize that in 40 years there will be thousands of old ladies running around covered with tattoos and rap music will be considered Golden Oldies?”

- “Well, I’ve reached that point in my day when I will no longer be able to do anything productive.” (Or maybe that’s being honest!)

- “A kiss begins with Kay!” (Really? On any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Lite.)

- “I have that morning-after-feeling and I didn’t do anything last night.” (Usually, that’s me.)

- Husband to wife: “Not now, honey, I’m trying to read.”

- Donald Trump to his hair: “You’re fired.”

- One skunk to another near a walking path: “No need to make a big stink about them going by.”

- Baseball announcer watching an outfielder named Chad Schmidt chase a fly ball and land in the bleachers on a fan: “Well, the Schmidt has hit the fan!”

- “I’m too fast getting old and too slow getting smart.” (Well, again, that sounds like me.)

- One bird to another : “That human just flipped me the person.”

- “I hope everyone is happy in your head. We’re all doing pretty good in mine!”

- Wife (in kitchen) says to husband: “What should I do with these old buns?” Husband says, “Deep knee bends.” Hospital visiting hours for him are limited due to serious injuries!

And as the line from a Billy Currington song goes: “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.” – I’m just sayin’

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DuWayne Paul of Alexandria is a regular contributing columnist for the Echo Press.

Tags: opinion, columns