Editorial - 12 tips for graduates onlyCongratulations, graduate. You finally did it. Got that whole school thing behind you. Another boundary is gone. Now the sky’s the limit.
Congratulations, graduate. You finally did it. Got that whole school thing behind you. Another boundary is gone. Now the sky’s the limit.
So what should you be doing? Here’s some sage advice we’ll call “12 Tips for Graduates:”
1. Party like there’s no tomorrow. You are, after all, immortal, with your whole life ahead of you. Nothing can go wrong. The world is your oyster.
2. Take a few years off. Unplug. Don’t bother planning where you’ll be going to school, figuring out what kind of career interests you or setting any kind of goals. You’re young, wild, free. Planning is for old folks.
3. Spend the Benjamins. Don’t hang onto that graduation money too long. Blow it all as quickly as you can on cool stuff. You deserve it. No need to worry about books, tuition and living-on-your-own expenses. That’ll take care of itself.
4. Live life on the edge. Take unnecessary risks. Don’t buckle up. Drive recklessly while texting on your cell phone. Eat junk food at all hours of the day and night. Dive off a dock without checking the depth. Speed. Dabble with drugs. Wreck other people’s property just for fun. Don’t wear sunscreen.
5. Leave high school in the dust. Don’t keep contact with any of the friends you made over the last 12 years. Cooler friends are out there, just waiting to meet you. Forget all about your teachers too. What did they know anyway?
6. Dis your hometown. The place you grew up and went to school was holding you back. It was boring, small, lame, limiting. You’re free now. Nobody has to know about your embarrassing small-town roots. Wipe it from your memory. Been there, done that.
7. Make fun of other people. You’re a graduate now, an enlightened knower of truth, life and how the world really works. What do other people know?
8. Go for the ka-ching. Seek a career that offers the most dollar signs. Use that as your sole criteria. Any job that doesn’t pay at least $100,000 or more a year is beneath your standards. And that pay should come quickly. Working the way to the top is for suckers.
9. Take on some debt. Hey, you’re a full-fledged adult now. Why not take on more adult characteristics? Get a couple credit cards. Max them out. Buy all the latest techno-gadgets that you don’t really need. Buy a brand-new car without looking at the price. Used vehicles are for losers.
10. Say “so long” to the parents. Finally, you’ve got them out of your hair. No need to ask them about anything anymore. You don’t need their help or advice. They were just holding you back. Only come back to visit them when the laundry piles up.
11. Look out for number-one. That’s you. Hey, you had to play by other people’s rules for 12 years and now it’s you-time. Forget about politics, volunteering, civic duty, community, charitable causes or what “other people” may want from you, whether it’s time, money or understanding. To heck with them. It should be all about you now.
12. Finally, ignore any advice other people try to give you – including this editorial.
In all seriousness, no mortal person has all the answers for the challenges that are ahead of you. You’ll have to rely on the people who have earned your trust, those you respect, your own instincts of what’s right and wrong, and a higher power that you can always turn to in prayer.
Echo Press editorials are the position of the newspaper’s editorial board, which includes Jody Hanson, publisher; Al Edenloff, editor; and news reporter Celeste Beam.