Commentary - Holidays can be a very stressful time

By Jenna Payne,

crime victim advocate, Someplace Safe,

Alexandria, MN

Someplace Safe would like to extend a warm thank you to the community for all its kindness and generosity we’ve seen this holiday season. Donations have been coming in several days a week. We are so fortunate to work in a community that shares a united interest in the needs and well-being of others. We know that without a supportive community we could not possibly do our jobs. Advocacy is not the work of a few, but the concerted effort of an entire populace. We all need to do our part to support victims of violence, to stand up to the bullies and let them know we will not tolerate abuse in our community.

While the holidays can be a time of peace, happiness, generosity and love, it can also be a very stressful time. Planning holiday meals, travel, inclement weather, not to mention the amount of money spent during the holidays. No matter how much we love the holiday spirit, it leaves us all feeling a little drained and overwhelmed. After you take all that into account, mix in alcohol and drugs and the holidays can take a nasty turn. This all stacks up and can often become unmanageable. In families with domestic violence the stress is only exacerbated. While crisis calls and walk-ins go down during the holidays, in the weeks after, our office explodes with phone calls and victims that need help.

Why do our client services decrease during the holidays? Simple; families are trying to keep up the façade that nothing is wrong. They want the holidays to be as happy and joyful as they can be, even when there is violence at home. The holidays mean more family home and more time spent together and more opportunities for violence. Many parents keep up appearances because they don’t want their children to spend the holidays in a shelter or away from friends and family.

Be sure to take of yourself during the holiday season. If you feel overwhelming stress, opt for a walk or some alone time. If you’re starting to feel violent, remove yourself from the situation and try to gain perspective. Admit you’re feeling stressed and upset and talk about it with family or friends.

We realize that while these tactics may help some people, for others the violence is inevitable. For that reason we also suggest having a safety plan. A simple safety plan can help keep your family safe during a violent episode:

 Identify and know the easiest exits in your home.

 Have a phone that you can call 911.

 Develop a code word with your family. If the violence escalates or you feel unsafe, one of the children can run to the neighbors for help or call 911.

 Katie Ray-Jones, president of the Domestic Violence Hotline, in an interview with CBS News suggested being aware of what rooms in the home are “safe” to have an argument in. “A lot of us spend time in the kitchen during the holidays, but the kitchen is a very dangerous place to have an argument, with knives, boiling water, and pots and pans within reach.”

Keep your family safe and happy this holiday season and remember to take care of yourself too . We hope you all have a happy and safe holiday season.

Tags: opinion, commentary